These Scattered Thoughts...!

     Do you measure the level of emotional commitment one invests in a close relationship by how long one is willing to maintain it even as it turns dishonest or disrespectful?  Or do you measure that level via the sometimes-visible intensity its interaction projects to the viewing public?  Weighed equally, what’s visibly viewed and mentally digested without knowledge of true feeling is a decision made most neglectful!  Can one tell, of another, only by outward sign and no honest insight, if a projected smile hides a sad, silent heart?

     Protecting the sanctity and honor of a promise made of love is like getting a tattoo; a ‘forever’ proposition and the pride of the village idiot, for sure!  At the highest levels, awhirl with those we projected should represent us, our leaders, lawmakers and iconic caricatures toss us, along with promise, out the door!

     Reminiscing of days gone by; twenty-four hours took too long and the last hour of work was like torture, especially on Fridays.  “Last call for alcohol” meant it was time to guzzle down the drink in hand and order one more for the road!  Why does that sound so stupid to me?  Now...I want each day to last an extra hour or two; I’d work weekends to extend the joy of living and if it would bring back all of the victims of accidents due to excessive drinking, I’d not have another drop!

     It is always good not to forget that everyone has a personal emotional armor they develop and harden to protect them from trying, stress-filled situations!  Just as you steer clear of negative situations and vibrations, also does another.  Too many of us have to remember; not enough of us opt not to forget.  Understand that if you have to remember, you have already forgotten.  Make the knowledge of understanding and accepting others become something you know, foremost!

     A relative’s farewell is never more than bittersweet!  The emotional onslaught of so final a finale as being forced to say good-bye for the last time.  To what degree removed…the sadness; a parent or child, a brother or sister, an aunt, uncle or a cousin?  No spouse!  What of the farewell; naught but a friend?  Rest now!

    

Profile: A.C.T.O.P…is A Certain Type of Person!

What triggers, within an individual who wishes for the demise or dismissal of another?  Throughout the history of humankind, certain characteristics in the personality of ACTOP portend the likelihood that he or she will be of that ilk.  Who would want to watch, with glee, someone else, not succeed?  What lies in the heart of any of mankind, to wish a bad outcome? 

     Jealousy, envy, fear and the ever-present hypocrisy most often top the list of personality traits one can subscribe to ACTOP as he or she is likely to exhibit any or all of these traits at some point and time in the subtle divulgence of his or her disposition and development for desiring cursed outcome toward happenstance of another. 

     Jealousy; the cornerstone of the make-up of ACTOP who views the success of another through a fracturing emotional prism, is seeing the ‘Successful’s’ ill-perceived luck, advantage or heredity as the foundation of that success.  It often masks the reality of ACTOP’s sub-conscious awareness; a recognition on an intellectual level that unfavorably evaluates ACTOP’s preparation and effort! He or she didn’t capitalize on an opportunity to strike while the iron was hot and it is known.  The unspoken but internally acknowledged fact that the success of the person is simply that there is someone who is better-suited or more qualified than you.

     Envy, the emotion masked by the wry smile, manifesting itself only in the company of ACTOP who shares the emotion; all with the same deep-seated anxiety that festers just below the surface of that smile.  It says so much while uttering no sound! “I wish I could do that.  I wish I could do what he does, have what she has; be who they are!  Alas, I don’t have the skill, the know-how or the daring and I envy the possession of those skills.  How does one gain them?” 

     Fear, while often found to be the trait best hidden in ACTOP, eventually, will rear its ugly head once it becomes identified as the result of that sad failing; the principal factor to ACTOP’s inability to succeed and achieve to a higher capacity! 

     Then hypocrisy, finally; the finality of the mindset of ACTOP who says, out loud, to anyone who will listen, “I really don’t care!”

     A certain type of person fits the detailed profile, presented, and several of them are vying for political office on city, state and federal levels in the upcoming months and years.  There may not be a profile of the ideal candidate for any and all positions of power, forthcoming, nationwide but I know we have to, first, get gone with the individuals that fit this one…and there are a few!

When Words Cannot Express the Depths of My Appreciation…I Try!

Her hands!  The soothing, satisfying touch that made all things better; all hurts and pains recede.  To describe what it felt like to be touched by her hands.  Warm, soft, caresses that applied lotion, powder and Love!  She brushed my hair after adding a bit of hair ointment to soften the pull; it made me feel so good.  And she told me I was her handsome, wonderful son!  I will always love you, mom!

Her smile!  She lit up my world with it, accompanied by a quick wink; we shared a secret bond, our birthdays just a day apart.  I was her Virgo man and we understood each other with no words spoken.  I lived to see that smile; still do!  Smile again, mother!

Her voice spoke to me, at times, well above my years with a tone and timber, soft and modulated; sing-song and with truth.  I know of no lie ever uttered by that voice.  Her command of the language of a mother, filled with love, guidance and concern that I should hear and understand each syllable uttered; she had nothing but my best interests in her heart.  You are amazing, Ma!

Her body…my shield!  She stood in defense of me against any and all who, ill-advised, would think to do me harm.  Sometimes, even myself!  “You’ll have to go through me to do it!”  What courage on display with the intent, only to protect me.  What would I do without you, my warrior Queen!

Wisdom, worn quietly, of experiences I could only fathom.  A child of segregation and hatred remembered but not allowed to fester and ruin her greater belief that something, someone more powerful than any man, ruled and would have the final say!  I feel you, Lady!

What can I say of the heart of a being so touched with goodness that, even her anger was a caress?  She chastised me and all I could do was acquiesce; beg her forgiveness because the last thing I’d ever wanted to do was disappoint her!  Thank you so much, Momma! 

My life because of you, was, is and will always be triumphant!

Happy Mother’s Day from your son, Anthony Paul!

Is Anyone Listening...?

You tell me; I’ll tell you…

What is it like to compete

with advantages so complete

that you simply just have to show up

to be awarded the golden cup?

For me, you know what its like?

It’s like trying to ride a bike;

uphill on tires sans spokes

and a chain that’s rusted and broke!

What is it like to be blessed

an audience, the leader’s behest? 

Your presence, the primaries reason;

the party, the height of the season!

For me, likely, ne’er that scene!

More aptly, some foolish dream. 

Cold water usurping my slumber

and dark, the cloud I’d be under.

What feeling please tell ‘bout inclusion;

your smile is no mere illusion. 

For me, naught but a frown. 

My spirit’s not lifted, but down.

What is it, to really belong;

they regale you with loud sweet song? 

For me, all I hear; a groan

or bad news over the phone.

What is it like to be taught

the world is your oyster; wars fought?

And, in spite of our fathers who died

for me, never the winning side!

… The Poor, feeling in our America!

Coping Skills...!

Thrusting and parrying, measuring the length.

Violent or peaceful, depending on the game!

Withdrawal or attack, considering the strength;

Passive or aggressive; it’s resistance just the same.

Prejudice or alliance, decisions we have faced.

Immediately or never is the time to make a change.

Acceptance, rejection; it’s all a matter of taste.

Cleave to the familiar or cower from the strange.

Shouts and whispers around the conference table.

Smiling or pouting, whichever wins the most!

Tantrums or self-control; either, when you’re able.

Weaknesses and strengths all of us can boast.

Within or external; conflicts seen and felt;

Whether a dreamed fantasy or frightful realism.

Internally or outwardly, with which will things be dealt?

Coping with life using all of our mechanisms!

Pre-determined Destiny...!

Father, was that you reflected in your son’s eyes

or was his vision chemically impaired?

Were his failings directly related to your demise?

Was he acting as you would never have dared?

Mother, did you hear your daughter crying;

fearful of facing her womanhood alone?

Should she have withstood the heat of assuming?

As a young lady is often prone?

Father, was your image commonplace

and your vocal directive a resounding warning?

Did your fairy princess, attired in ribbons and lace

Cower at your parental scorning?

Mother, did you show your son that you are a lady

or clarify for him, his masculinity?

Did you capitulate that all women are not shady?

Tell him there is beauty, too, in his inner femininity?

Parents!  Are your children emotionally set;

outside influences defined and categorized?

By them, will this global society’s challenges be met?

Is their destiny not to be recognized?

Who Speaks for Me...?

From varied cities and hamlets they come

Suggesting that they will get things done

And make the necessary change

The absurdity of which is not just strange

But even more a profound untruth

Their sudden amnesia compelling proof

Intent seemed pure at its outset

Until they played and laid a bet

That change a cost they gladly paid

And now a player the game they played

Their place they had to pay a toll

Now both feet in too deep a hole

Alliance formed and lines decided

Of ease is this the vets they chided

Just go along the process reigns

And smile the riches a member gains

Fear not the lobby they all will call

And reap the riches they share with all

You are a player just do the bidding

Duplicity culpability is to well hidden

Your graft a drop piddling the amount

Small out of pants no off-shore account

A vote a waste a toll a time

You have no say in truth you mime

The deal long set the formality

A minion you stark reality

Behind the curtain quiet and cool

The puppet master you elected fool